There I was, tired, angry, confused, not knowing what on earth we were supposed to do now. Things were just getting out of hand, and I couldn’t change them this time. I was stressed out, I was worried, and all I wanted was just a little peace, or a sign or glimpse of hope that things will be ok. We have been hit with like 3 bad things at once, and it just seemed like it was not going to let up. I couldn’t do my normal daily tasks, I couldn’t sleep without worrying about what was going to happen next, or whether or not we had to make a decision without really having a plan. I cried and asked God what on earth I was supposed to do? What was I supposed to think? Then got my bible and journal out and started jotting down all the verses that I could find dealing with stress, and rest and assurance. I started praying and asking God to send me some sort of a verse, a song, a sign that I could count on him; that I didn’t need to worry as much as I was, and that I could rest. I then went to a website and saw this song: It is well with my soul. Obviously, I’m a Christian, I’ve been to church my whole life, so I have heard this song so many times, but this time I really read the words and it just broke my heart. I then read these verses:
Philippians 4:6-7 New International Version (NIV)
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I realized that no matter what happens in my life, good, bad, anything, God is always with me. It can be really hard to trust him when you feel like everything bad is just crashing down on you and your faith is just dwindling day after day after day. So this song…it is well, with my soul…is just a reassurance that it will be ok…because God is here with me through all of it. Well, not only was this bothering me, but I also wanted to change things on my blog, but because I was so stressed, I just couldn’t think about what to do. So when I asked God whether or not I should change my blog…This is the answer I got: “Marvina…Change the title first to: It is well…With my soul.” And then he said: “and while you are at: change the way that you see me and see yourself and life.” And I was like..”what…I don’t understand.” And he said: you are always worrying about so much because you are a perfectionists and want things in order,and you feel that you need to be strong for everyone, but what about you…who is taking care of you?” He kept talking and saying ” you need to understand that I am here, and it’s ok if things are not in order or it’s ok if you are worried, it’s ok if you cry and get angry and stressed …because I am here to take all of that away for you, and give you rest.” And I just knew, right then and there, that it was perfect for the title, and it was perfect for my life. It summed up how I’ve been feeling for a few years and for a few months. He helped me understand that it’s probably going to get worse before it gets better, but that it is going to be ok in the end. So for 2016, I really want to just focus on myself and take care of myself and get even closer to God then I’ve ever been…And I encourage you all to do the same in the year to come. Things are going to be hard, you are going to feel like all you want to do is give up, but somehow, things will be ok as long as you have Christ in your life, and you pray, seek him out and ask him to help get you through these tough times that you might be having. Also I’m going to leave the song lyrics and when you read them…just know that God is with you…so you can rest easy that things will be ok in the end. 🙂
It Is Well With My Soul
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
It is well (it is well),
with my soul (with my soul),
It is well, it is well with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to His cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
And Lord haste the day, when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
My prayer to all of you is that you just remember that God has gone through so much for you, and even when you don’t feel like he is there, he is. I ask that you just seek him out everyday of your life, and believe that he is the almighty, all powerful king. He will help you through anything that you go through. He will be your strength when you are weak, and he will be your guide when you are lost. He will be your voice of reason, when you are freaking out and worrying about all of things that are scaring you or troubling you. He will be your friend…your father…It is well…with my soul.